


I Always Want You

by twisting_vine_x



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Confessions, Developing Relationship, Feelings, Language, M/M, Snuggling, Stiles is an awesome boyfriend, lowered physical inhibitions, truth spell, vulnerable!derek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-13
Updated: 2014-02-13
Packaged: 2018-01-12 06:50:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1183165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twisting_vine_x/pseuds/twisting_vine_x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A/N: Set in a hypothetical post-S3 future where they have some monster-free time to just exist.</p>
<p>Summary: <i>“Look, you want me to piss off, I will. But if you want me here – if you want the distraction –”</i></p>
<p>
  <i>“I always want you here.”</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“– then I’m happy to – oh.”</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Always Want You

“It’s a truth spell.”

“Knew that much.” Derek’s teeth sound like they’re damn near grinding together, and Deaton doesn’t even seem to have the energy to do more than look sad on Derek’s behalf. “How do we remove it?”

“I – well. We don’t, unfortunately. But it will wear off soon. Give it a few days, and –”

Derek is out of the office so quickly that Stiles barely sees him go. Is reminded, suddenly, that, oh, right, he’s sleeping with a _werewolf_ ; and when Deaton sighs, Stiles just shrugs. Doesn’t know what else to do. They’d stumbled upon a witch’s cabin – long since abandoned, it had seemed – and Derek has just happened to be the one who’d brushed up against the funny plant with the purple leaves; and now the plant’s under quarantine, and Derek is officially unable to tell a lie.

“Yeah, so – this sucks.”

“Indeed.”

“I’ll talk to him. See if I can calm him down.”

“Be careful how you phrase things.”

“I – right. Of course.”

Because – yeah, that makes sense. Derek’s awful at being vulnerable – and with everything he’s been through, Stiles gets it – and the last thing he wants is to accidentally pry something out of Derek that he doesn’t want to share. He might be crazy mad in love with the surly werewolf, but that doesn’t mean that Derek feels anything close to the same in return; and Stiles has no doubt that the idea of dumping all his secrets onto Stiles would not be one that would sit well with Derek.

\- - -

The first thing Stiles does – before driving over to Derek’s loft – is to send a mass message to everyone. Scott and Isaac, for sure, need to know; and even Allison and Lydia should, too. The last thing any of them needs is to get on Derek’s bad side by tearing out his closely kept secrets.

_Derek got hit with a truth spell. And no, that’s not a joke, so. Everyone give him some space, okay? Deaton said it’ll only take a few days to wear off._

The responses are all immediate – and sympathetic, even; and it makes Stiles stupidly happy that his friends are all awesome and know better than to treat this as something amusing – and then Stiles pockets his phone and puts his jeep into drive. If Derek doesn’t want him there, Stiles will leave; but until then, Stiles is going to just drive on over and ask Derek if he wants to get pizza and watch a movie.

\- - -

“So, thing is, I know you can hear me, even through your giant loft door of ominous doom, so –”

The door opens so quickly it’s a wonder it doesn’t come clean off its rails, and Derek – wow. Derek looks absolutely furious. Looks spitting-mad fang-growing angry – an expression that Stiles hasn’t had that directed at him in a long time, and it probably hurts a bit more than it should. It’s enough to make him hesitate, before he raises the box of donuts in peace offering, even as he tries to make his voice come out steady. He really doesn’t like being on the end of that look.

“Look, you want me to piss off, I will. But if you want me here – if you want the distraction –”

“I always want you here.”

“– then I’m happy to – oh.”                                                  

He nearly chokes on his own tongue, the sudden weight of that sentence hitting him; and Derek, if possible, looks even more furious, and Stiles – has absolutely no idea what to do. Realizes, suddenly, that there is a flaw in this plan. He’d been worried about Hale family secrets, more than anything – things he wouldn’t be likely to stumble upon – but if Derek has less than hostile feelings towards him – feelings like, _I always want you here_ , which Stiles has _definitely_ never heard before – then maybe Stiles shouldn’t be here. Lowers the donuts and thinks about stepping back.

“Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t – should I go?”

“No.”

“I – shit. This is –”

“You make things – easier. You help. You – when it’s dark in my head, you –”

“ _Derek_. Stop. I’m – wow, this is _so_ many kinds of not fair to you, and –”

“Don’t leave.”

Derek looks almost sad, underneath all that anger – but he also looks disgusted with himself, and Stiles has not been this conflicted in a very long time. Pushes aside the small part of him that’s doing cartwheels at the idea of him helping with the darkness in Derek’s head, and just stares at Derek, his stomach twisting at the way Derek looks like he wants to punch things – but there’s something almost pleading in his eyes, and Stiles finally takes a deep breath, and hopes he’s doing the right thing.

“Alright, so here’s the plan, then. If I stay, we shut the fuck up and just – play chess, or watch a movie, or something, alright?”

“I like playing chess with you. I like – _dammit_ , Stiles. I like you, and I like your stupid jokes, and –”

Stiles doesn’t realize he’s moved until he’s done it. Put his fingers over Derek’s mouth, gentle as he can, his heart beating so hard it hurts, hope blooming inside him in a way that feels like something is growing wings – but this isn’t the time. This is not how he can hear these things. This isn’t –

And then, fuck. Derek’s eyes go lidded and he damn nears purrs as he pushes harder into Stiles’ touch, before grabbing his wrist and cupping his hand against his cheek, nearly _nuzzling_ against him – and Stiles jumps back. Drops his hand and stares at the shock on Derek’s face – because as amazing of a lover as Derek is, and for all that Stiles is pretty sure it’s the best sex that he’ll ever have – Derek doesn’t fucking _nuzzle_ , and purr, and – he’s not _affectionate_ , not like this, he isn’t –

“I think I’d better not touch you right now, buddy.”

Stiles’ hands are shaking and his voice sounds rather strangled, and Derek just stares at him, looking wide-eyed and absolutely horrified with himself, like he’s just done something awful; and Stiles is certifiably freaking out inside, because – he has a thing about consent, especially where Derek’s concerned. A thing where it should always be explicitly given without any hint of coercion; and Stiles should have known better than to put his hands anywhere near Derek, right now – but he can’t leave now, can he? Not after – that. Not when Derek’s got to be feeling vulnerable – but maybe having Stiles around will only make that worse? Maybe he should just –

“I want you to.”

“T-to –”

“Touch me. I always want you to touch me.”

_“Derek –”_

“I can’t touch you the way I want to when I’m – when I’m me. And –”

Derek cuts himself off, so frustrated it hurts to look at – looks like he’s about to bite off his own tongue – and Stiles – fuck it. Steps forward so that Derek has to move back, and then slides the door shut behind him; because Derek’s doorway is not the place for Derek to be spilling his soul. Puts the box of donuts – he’s somehow, miraculously, still clinging to it with one hand – on the floor, and then spends a few cowardly seconds looking at anything that isn’t Derek – _I can’t touch you the way I want to when I’m me_ – before he finds his courage and looks right at him. Finds Derek looking confused, and freaked out; and it takes everything Stiles has to not touch.

“We are not having this conversation in your doorway.”

“I want –”

“I _can’t_. Not right now –”

“Am I just someone you fuck? Am I –”

 “ _Stop_.”

He can hear how badly his voice is shaking, but it’s nothing to the way Derek looks like he’s seconds away from a panic attack. Nothing to the way he sounds pleading, and looks like he’s about to wolf out and stab himself, just to put himself out of his misery – and Stiles breathes through the _too much_ that he’s feeling, and makes himself go for what he hopes is a reassuring smile.

“Look. You hate being out of control. And this is not the time to talk.”

“Just tell me if I’m – tell me whether I’m – whether we’re – whether I’m just some casual –”

“Of _course_ you’re not,” and Stiles’ voice is barely there, anymore, but Derek’s face is doing something that looks like he’s feeling way too much all at once; and the least Stiles can do is give him some honesty back, especially given that he thinks, now, that he might not be alone in this. “God, Derek, how could you even think – you’ve always been more than sex, you oblivious _idiot_ –”

Stiles is damn near off the floor. Is against the wall and barely touching the floor, anymore, with Derek kissing him like he needs him to breathe – one hand holding him against the wall, the other in his hair – and Stiles chokes out as a groan as he just closes his eyes and kisses back. Holds on to Derek and shakes as a tongue traces his lips, slips inside and gets him panting in seconds, Derek’s hand sliding down rest over his heart, blunt human nails that just barely sting through his thin shirt – and then Derek pulls back to look at him, leaving Stiles dazed. Stares at Derek – takes in his wide eyes, the way his mouth is hanging just slightly open, the way he’s panting, the dark flush to his skin – and – well. Derek’s never looked at him like this before, and Stiles thinks he might get what he meant by, _I can’t touch you the way I want to when I’m me_. Wonders how much Derek always holds back – and then realizes, suddenly, what’s happened here. That this isn’t casual, for either of them. This is – this something real, something more than sex; and Stiles’ stomach hurts so much it’s difficult to talk. Can’t seem to get enough air into his lungs.

“You’ve never just been casual, either.”

Derek doesn’t even look, that much, like he regrets saying it – still looks pissed off, but mostly just looks like he really wants to kiss Stiles – and Stiles swallows, hard, and puts a hand on Derek’s cheek, his chest going tight when Derek closes his eyes and leans in to it, and – Stiles bites back the stupid burn at the back of his eyes, because, god, he is not going to cry. Doesn’t manage, though, to stop the little shuddery breath that slips out, before he leans in and presses their mouths together one last time, Derek makes a little noise against his mouth – and then Stiles puts his hands on Derek’s chest and, carefully, gently, pushes him away. Breathes through the betrayed look on Derek’s face, but – they cannot do this now. Stiles would never forgive himself.

“But –”

“So here’s the plan.”

_“Stiles –”_

“Now that we’ve established, without a doubt, that this is way more than just sex for either of us –” Derek flushes even worse, at that, and drops his eyes down between them; and Stiles’ fingers nearly twitch with the need to touch – “We’re going to curl up on your couch and cuddle – and _just_ cuddle, mind. I am _not_ having sex with you while you’re drunk off some witch’s weird little plant.”

“I’m not –”

“ _Yes_ , you are. And the first time we have sex with feelings I’d rather know you really want to.”

For a moment, Derek just stares at him, still looking all betrayed and hurt, like Stiles has killed his favourite plant, instead of stopping them from having poorly advised truth pollen sex – and then he swallows, hard, and reaches out to tug Stiles in again. Stiles resists, for a second – until Derek makes a frustrated noise, and Stiles lets himself be tugged, because the trusts Derek to not try to jump him; and then Derek’s arms are wrapped around him and Stiles’ face is pressed into Derek’s neck.

“I’ve always – there were always – feelings. Whenever we –”

“Oh, _god_ , stop talking. Please. Or you’re going to hate me later.”

“I could never hate –”

“One more word and I’m walking out, I swear.”

It’s a blatant lie, and they both know it – Derek would probably be able to tell even without Stiles’ skittering heartbeat – and Derek makes some kind of scoffing noise into his hair – but he shuts up, at least. Shuts up, and just holds on to Stiles, his fingers moving in slow circles against his back – and Stiles just closes his eyes, holds on tight in return, and does his best to breathe through the way he feels like something is finally slotting into place after being broken for far too long.

\- - -

It’s later that night, though, when they’re curled up together in Derek’s bed – after an evening of cuddling and eating donuts and watching Star Trek, with both of them barely saying a word – that Stiles rests his head on Derek’s chest – both of them still wearing clothes, because they’re already having a hard enough time keeping their hands to themselves – and listens to Derek’s heartbeat right underneath his ear. Swallows hard and fiddles with the sleeve of Derek’s t-shirt, his heart slamming against his own ribs as he breathes through a sudden wave of vulnerability.

“It’s always been sex with feelings for me, too.”

For a second, Derek seem to stop breathing – then he inhales, sharply, as though he’s about to say something; and Stiles shakes his head against his chest. Grabs hold of Derek’s hand and squeezes it in the dark, even as his throat goes all tight, making if difficult to keep talking.

“We can talk later, when you’re not – like this. I just – really needed you to know that.”

His voice seems too loud in the darkness, and he has a moment of wondering if he should have just shut up, and let them fall asleep in silence – and then Derek’s tugging him up his body to brush their lips together, his hands spanning the bottom of Stiles’ back and his breath unsteady against Stiles mouth; and all Stiles can do is kiss back, until Derek pulls away with what, even in the darkness, is quite definitely a smile against Stiles' lips – and Stiles can’t help but grin so wide it hurts, his stomach un-clenching and his heart beating too hard in a way that somehow only feels good.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone fancies being tumblr buddies (http://twisting-vine-x.tumblr.com/), I'm always happy to make new friends. ♥


End file.
